A Stressed Student Speaks to Centrelink

1300 hours - Stressed Student tries to call Centrelink 5 times before they finally answer.
1301 hours- Stressed Student is put on hold by Centrelink.
1310 hours - Stressed Student is still on hold to Centrelink.
1330 hours - Alas! An Operator greets Stressed Student on the phone, Stressed Students leaps with excitement and tells said Operator of her dilemma. "I got a letter saying my youth allowance was cut off but I haven't been getting my youth allowance".
Operator tells Stressed Student she hasn't been getting youth allowance because she hasn't been reporting her earnings.
Stressed Student tells Operator she hasn't been reporting her earnings because Stresed Student hasn't been getting youth allowance.
1345 hours - Operator tells Stressed Student he cannot help her and will put her through to another Operator. Stressed Student is on hold again.
1400 hours - Alas! Another Operator greets Stressed Student. The first Operator had not told this Operator anything about Stressed Students situation. Stressed Student explains situation. Operator tells Stressed Student that this is the family department she has been put through to and Operator can not help Stressed Student. But don't worry Stressed Student, wait on hold and we will put you through to another Operator.
1410 hours - Still on hold.
1415 hours - Stressed Student's phone crashes from being on the phone for so long.

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Stressed Student takes a break from begging for money from the Government to make a toasted sandwich. Stressed Student burns the sandwich but eats it any way as she can not afford to throw away food.
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1500 hours - Stressed Student attempts to call Centrelink again.
1520 hours - Stressed Student is as expected, on hold.
1530 hours - "Hello?" Says the Operator.
"Uh hi, is this Centrelink?" Stressed Student asks, surprised at the casual manner in which the Operator speaks. "Yup" the Operator responds. Stressed Student takes a deep breath and retells her story. The Operator tells Stressed Student in order to recieve youth allowance, she must tell Centrelink all the money she has earnt in the past 3 months. Stressed Student has worked multiple jobs in this time and would need a few hours to compile this information. Stressed Student asks Operator if she can send Centrelink a letter with this information. Operator firmly tells Stressed Student that if she hangs up the phone, her payments will be cancelled again. Stressed Student who earns $130 per week and spends $110 on rent each week takes a deep breath without replying. Stressed Student can feel the lump in her throat, the burning in her eyes. She is going to cry. "I just, I have to go to work and it's going to take me a while to get that information for you and I have been trying to get through to you for ages but no one answers the phones and I can't afford groceries this week and I really need help."

"I can't help you."

The line goes dead.

Still in the coffee shop

Ask anyone who doesn't know me. I'm always so happy!!!!!

I wish I could see things the way they do. This blueberry muffin is terrible.
Were there already fingerprints in it? Or did I put them there?

My coffee burnt my tongue, motherfucker.

They say money can't buy happiness but damn, $13 would be great right now.  I wanna go to the movies.

Be my best friend and don't back out. That's not friendship.

I want someone to take me to the movies. Take me to Cuba you motherfucker.

Constantly nervous, speaking loudly about nothing.

Struggling to remain a functioning part of society.
I could stay in bed for the next 3 days and no one would notice.

There's a cute guy working at this coffee shop. I think he was flirting with me.

I'm not good at flirting.

Now he's flirting with the next customer.

Customer Service, I guess.

This other customer talks too loud about nothing. He's making me uncomfortable.
My face is itchy, my heart is shaking.
I am constantly nervous, more nerves pumping through my veins than there is blood.

I'm empty and heavy all at the same time. So heavy.

Know Me

How can I know so many people and none know me?

I want someone to understand me like I understand myself

I am a good person

I am brilliant

Why won’t any one see that

I have goals and ambition

I am smart

I am fucking hilarious

I am stylish

I am beautiful

I know this

Why doesn’t anyone else?

I know I don’t need anyone’s acceptance

I want it

Because some days I see myself the way others do

And I don’t like it

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

This is 19

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

18 days broken

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

A Happy Life

We’ve been together for about 18 years and we’ll be together forever.

I didn’t always appreciate what she had given me. I thought this relationship was boring, repetitive, and empty. This relationship was hard, really hard. It got so hard that I couldn’t see the point in carrying on anymore. Nothing’s going to change, I thought-- I may as well just end it, stop the pain. I was so convinced that everyone was judging my relationship; criticizing our decisions, our behavior, the way we looked, the way we talked. I was convinced that we were nothing. I didn’t leave the house for weeks. Twiddling my fingers and waiting for something to change.

Then one day, it occurred to me. I can fix this. I have the opportunity to make this all okay again. I can be happy. We started doing more stuff together. I started noticing the beautiful things about her, the small details. I noticed how energy starts flowing through her body when she smiles, tickling her toes with happiness. I noticed how when she breathes in through her mouth, her stomach rises a little bit. I noticed how her skin turns red after just 10 minutes in the sun. I noticed how she doesn’t always wash all the conditioner out of her hair and I noticed how her shoulders were always stiff because they hold the weight of the world.

I realised that the whole time we had been together, I had hated her. I had hated her because I was supposed to. Everybody else hates her legs, stomach, teeth, hair, boobs, personality. I realised that I would stare at her naked and pick out every disgusting thing about her. She wasn’t worthy of being happy. She wasn’t like she was supposed to be. She didn’t like patting cute dogs, grinding to rap music, or smoking at parties. She was different, she was weird.

But suddenly I learnt to like her. To love her, and to treat her right.

I’m talking about my life. The most important thing in my life; the day I realised that it was okay to treat myself properly was the day that I wanted to live again.

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)