Constantly nervous, speaking loudly about nothing.

Struggling to remain a functioning part of society.
I could stay in bed for the next 3 days and no one would notice.

There's a cute guy working at this coffee shop. I think he was flirting with me.

I'm not good at flirting.

Now he's flirting with the next customer.

Customer Service, I guess.

This other customer talks too loud about nothing. He's making me uncomfortable.
My face is itchy, my heart is shaking.
I am constantly nervous, more nerves pumping through my veins than there is blood.

I'm empty and heavy all at the same time. So heavy.

Know Me

How can I know so many people and none know me?

I want someone to understand me like I understand myself

I am a good person

I am brilliant

Why won’t any one see that

I have goals and ambition

I am smart

I am fucking hilarious

I am stylish

I am beautiful

I know this

Why doesn’t anyone else?

I know I don’t need anyone’s acceptance

I want it

Because some days I see myself the way others do

And I don’t like it

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

This is 19

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

18 days broken

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

A Happy Life

We’ve been together for about 18 years and we’ll be together forever.

I didn’t always appreciate what she had given me. I thought this relationship was boring, repetitive, and empty. This relationship was hard, really hard. It got so hard that I couldn’t see the point in carrying on anymore. Nothing’s going to change, I thought-- I may as well just end it, stop the pain. I was so convinced that everyone was judging my relationship; criticizing our decisions, our behavior, the way we looked, the way we talked. I was convinced that we were nothing. I didn’t leave the house for weeks. Twiddling my fingers and waiting for something to change.

Then one day, it occurred to me. I can fix this. I have the opportunity to make this all okay again. I can be happy. We started doing more stuff together. I started noticing the beautiful things about her, the small details. I noticed how energy starts flowing through her body when she smiles, tickling her toes with happiness. I noticed how when she breathes in through her mouth, her stomach rises a little bit. I noticed how her skin turns red after just 10 minutes in the sun. I noticed how she doesn’t always wash all the conditioner out of her hair and I noticed how her shoulders were always stiff because they hold the weight of the world.

I realised that the whole time we had been together, I had hated her. I had hated her because I was supposed to. Everybody else hates her legs, stomach, teeth, hair, boobs, personality. I realised that I would stare at her naked and pick out every disgusting thing about her. She wasn’t worthy of being happy. She wasn’t like she was supposed to be. She didn’t like patting cute dogs, grinding to rap music, or smoking at parties. She was different, she was weird.

But suddenly I learnt to like her. To love her, and to treat her right.

I’m talking about my life. The most important thing in my life; the day I realised that it was okay to treat myself properly was the day that I wanted to live again.

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

The Truth

I am so scared of what I do not know.
Why do our voices change?
Or where does the wind blow.               
You are so fast, why am I so slow?

I am made of merely meat and bone.

I did not choose to be born in this world,

Yet I am now another clone

Wasting my life staring at my phone.

We can pretend we know what it’s all about,

Make our daughter a ballerina

Our boy a scout

Your gluten free diet and daily workout,

But we all end up with the same prize.

We push and we pull,

Feigning our surprise

When everyone we know eventually dies.


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

Eat Me Whole

A knife, slicing me

Over and over, I am
Begging you to stop.

Season me to taste
You cannot pick me apart
And declare me yours


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)