A Happy Life

We’ve been together for about 18 years and we’ll be together forever.

I didn’t always appreciate what she had given me. I thought this relationship was boring, repetitive, and empty. This relationship was hard, really hard. It got so hard that I couldn’t see the point in carrying on anymore. Nothing’s going to change, I thought-- I may as well just end it, stop the pain. I was so convinced that everyone was judging my relationship; criticizing our decisions, our behavior, the way we looked, the way we talked. I was convinced that we were nothing. I didn’t leave the house for weeks. Twiddling my fingers and waiting for something to change.

Then one day, it occurred to me. I can fix this. I have the opportunity to make this all okay again. I can be happy. We started doing more stuff together. I started noticing the beautiful things about her, the small details. I noticed how energy starts flowing through her body when she smiles, tickling her toes with happiness. I noticed how when she breathes in through her mouth, her stomach rises a little bit. I noticed how her skin turns red after just 10 minutes in the sun. I noticed how she doesn’t always wash all the conditioner out of her hair and I noticed how her shoulders were always stiff because they hold the weight of the world.

I realised that the whole time we had been together, I had hated her. I had hated her because I was supposed to. Everybody else hates her legs, stomach, teeth, hair, boobs, personality. I realised that I would stare at her naked and pick out every disgusting thing about her. She wasn’t worthy of being happy. She wasn’t like she was supposed to be. She didn’t like patting cute dogs, grinding to rap music, or smoking at parties. She was different, she was weird.

But suddenly I learnt to like her. To love her, and to treat her right.

I’m talking about my life. The most important thing in my life; the day I realised that it was okay to treat myself properly was the day that I wanted to live again.

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

The Truth

I am so scared of what I do not know.
Why do our voices change?
Or where does the wind blow.               
You are so fast, why am I so slow?

I am made of merely meat and bone.

I did not choose to be born in this world,

Yet I am now another clone

Wasting my life staring at my phone.

We can pretend we know what it’s all about,

Make our daughter a ballerina

Our boy a scout

Your gluten free diet and daily workout,

But we all end up with the same prize.

We push and we pull,

Feigning our surprise

When everyone we know eventually dies.


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

Eat Me Whole

A knife, slicing me

Over and over, I am
Begging you to stop.

Season me to taste
You cannot pick me apart
And declare me yours


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

How to Achieve Orgasm

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen.

Untouched. Uncontaminated. Undamaged.

Whole.

Girl 1 needed a place to rest her drunken mind. The boy obliged.

The boy and the other girl swam naked under the moonlight, begging Girl 1 to join.

Girl 1 peeled her dress off in the dark, and in her purple panties dived into the blue unknown.

The other girl left. The other girl knew what the boy was planning. The other girl knew. The other girl left.

Girl 1 knew what the boy wanted.

 The boy thought he knew what Girl 1 wanted.

She cried as he invaded her space,

The only place that was completely hers.

Her back, her legs, her face.

The one thing she owned that she could not replace.

Her entire time on earth would be spent in this body

Speak her first word, cry to her mother, learn to walk,

in this body.

Win cross country and travel the world,

in this body.

Perform hundreds of times,

Playing hundreds of characters but always –

in this body

Mind.

Soul.

He didn’t kiss, avoiding eyes.

Too eager to take her clothes off.

Fuck her.

Too eager to even ask if she wanted it.

The boy left Girl 1 naked in his bed.

Shivering, Sobbing, Bleeding feels like

Dirty, scum, broken.

Haha

They call him the virgin slayer.

By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

We Must Have Died Alone

I smoke the doob you rolled

Drink my red, Bowie sings

To me. You threw my CD's and slammed the door

Said we were too different

Apples and oranges

You had pink hair, when we met

Pink as the setting sky, so beautiful –

I remember. I sighed,

You didn’t notice me.

A year passed.

First day of class, the final year.

You were younger, so eager to play.

We never spoke but I knew you were there.

Did you think of me? Did you watch me from the back row?

Did your ears perk up when you heard my voice?

Weeks pass.

“Have you guys met?”

You suggested we do tequila shots

Out of each other’s belly buttons.

I thought you were so charming, so cocky.

Another year passes.

I see you from a mile away, your freshly shaved head

Laughing at another’s words.

You don’t see me. I’m drunk.

The birthday girl is cutting her cake.

I forget my fears and beeline through the crowd.

I make fun of your shirt. I catch your eyes. You smile.

My heart pounds with excitement, lust and desire.

3 days pass.

We pull up to my house at 3am

After hours of adventure and flirting,

Breaking the ice and testing the waters.

I don’t invite you in. My mother would wake.

A day passes.

We slept on the beach that night.

Getting high and eating lolly snakes

You gave me all the pink ones.

You kiss me on the cheek, a gentleman –

I kiss you on the lips, unusually brave.

We saw each other every day

For a year and a half, so in love.

You lived with me, we travelled together.

We laughed, we cried, went to weddings and funerals.

Hand in hand, we sailed life and love.

And now you want to leave.

An empty body that was once reliant on you –

A body-less soul floating without a cause.

Separate.


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

Open Your Eyes

Perhaps happiness is not meant to be lasting.
Perhaps happiness is the little things-
those brief moments of content.

Waking up to rain on a Sunday morning,
Or making a new friend that you
did not expect,
When you really love a song and
you feel as though it is written
just for you...

Maybe that is all happiness is
Maybe our expectations have been too high
We've been looking for it
in the wrong places. in other people.

Happiness is everywhere, all the time
maybe if we open our eyes, we'll find it.


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

The Girl Made of Cushion

The girl made of cushion,
Too soft for her own good.
Anyone, please, hold her.
Anyone, please, use her.
Anyone, please, rip her open.
Let the stuffing bust out.
empty her
So she is nothing but a cover.
No padding left.

Now there is nothing to cushion the blow
Patched up, the stitches concealed.


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

Neither

I'm so grey.
Can never commit.
Neither gay nor straight,
Happy nor sad,
Fat nor skinny.
I trust nothing.
My mother told me
To not trust anyone
So I don't -
Even her.
I know myself,
Like the back of my hand
I am selfish and vain
Yet selfless and ugly
I'm so grey.


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

Thou Must Not Complain

Thou must not complain -
There are children starving,
Mothers crying, fathers dying,
Homes collapsing, diseases spreading,
Thou must not complain.

How can we measure the pain of another?
If it's pain, it's pain,
If it hurts, it hurts.
How dare we pick and choose
What is worthy of our sympathy!


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)

Two Chatty Ladies

Two Chatty Ladies 

Two chatty ladies chat
much too loudly, I can't hear
my breakfast over the
sound of your chatting.

One chatty lady says
she loves arrogant men,
The other chatty lady
roars with laughter.

How does one/two's voice/s
sound so loud?
So early on a Sunday?
The chatty ladies are
defying the laws of sound.


By Gemma Elsom (Girl Genius)